The truth, and nothing but the truth!
Let's begin with some numbers. They might tell you more than my following whining words.
Winnings: -277.48$ Winnings EV Adjusted : -157.28$ Hands total: 86,843 Winrate: -4,45b/100 (NL5 only) Winning Days: 12 Losing Days: 17 Bankroll: 152.63$
May taught me a lot of things. It taught me a better learn vs grind approach. It taught me mental toughness. (at least I hope I will get out of it stronger) It taught me that things can always get worse. And it taught me that even after millions of hands you can start doubting your fundamental thoughts about the game. Before May I worked so much on my mental site. I thought I could easily grind through every downswing since I have seen alot of stuff happening in this game already. I thought I am beyond the need of a Stop Loss. But I was wrong. I can not beat the mental site at the moment, lots of work still needs to be done. I am frustrated, angry, mad or even sad almost every single evening because of this card game. I can confidently say that I played the best of my game at the beginning of the month and just ran horrible. I tried to grind through the Downswing with high volume, that it eventually would end faster. I had 2 back to back -10 buyins days while still playing decent poker.2 That changed towards the middle of May. I started playing worse and worse and got more frustrated every single day. It got to a point where I would just call a Nit's All-In with a small pocket pair simply out of frustration. At the end of the month I started playing good Poker again but still nothing seemed to work. Frustration continued spreading (and still is)
Event Bankroll: 96.94$ (-142.31$)
Betfair bonus and rakeback: 21.80$
During May I cleared 2 parts of the my bonus for a total of 21.80$ As it seems there is no additional rakeback. Not sure yet, my affiliation-partner will get the total result next week.
Pokerstars Cardmatch + The Deal: 17.87$
In "Cardmatch" I made 6.60$ during May and thanks to "The Deal" I got another 11.27$ (I am not sure if I got a part of every jackpot drawn, but I tried to be in as many as possible)
During May I finally had the pleasure to fullfill a yearlong dream. I played Sunday Million! as the fat minus above shows I didn't cash it. I ran QQ vs 88 in a 3-bet pot. I Potcontrolled and only lost 20 of my 40 Big Blinds. Right the next hand I got dealt AJ vs the same player, again 3bet (I was left of him) and got it in on J28 Flop. He showed J8 and the dream was over. I also played Big 55 without any luck (stake of a friend, fortune cooky made him do it! it said "everything you touch will be very profitable", what a fkn trolling fortune cooky, seriously) one 27$ Scoop Tournament and 5x 11$ Tournaments. (4 payed with Starcoins, one on bwin with a token I satelited in thanks to the Daily Click Card Promotion) Unfortunatelly I didn't cash one of them. I still have a Rope-A-Dope Ticket and enough points to play two 11$ Tournaments on Pokerstars. When I was frustrated and wanted to play another format for a day I invested 9$ into 180 man 1$ Buy-In SNG and won 12.12$ through them. (so 3.12$ profit)
888 Gold Tokens+ Vegas Roller+ Snap: 29.90$
I turned a few "Gold Tokens" into 5$ and cashed a Freeroll for 30c. Because there was the Vegas Roller Promotion where you can spin a wheel and if you are lucky (very very very lucky) you win a payed travel and a Buy-In to the World Series Of Poker (Main Event or one side event possible). (my biggest dream) I tried my luck and wanted to use the 5.30$ until it would be gone at Snap-Poker to get a few additional Spins at the Vegas Roller to hopefully be lucky "One Time". While I did not win my trip I grinded that money up to 29.90$. At one Point I was up to exactly 55$, but I mistakenly had 888Poker and Pokerstars open at the same time, so Pokerstars infected 888 with the runbad! Legit story!
Next Event Bankroll event: Sunday Million Live at the King’s Casino
Pokerstars just announced the first Sunday Million as a live event at the King's Casino in Rozvadov. The day 1s' will played from August 24th to September 3rd. And on September 3rd will be the final, too (if you survive your day 1). So still plenty of time to collect the 220€ Buy-In in my Event-Bankroll!
Goals achieved that were set for May
- play 80k Hands (done)
- Discuss more hands again (done)
- Read 1 book (done, Hold’em Wisdom For All Players)
- drop 7-10 kg weight including water! (done, dropped 7-8kg)
- get back to working out and eating healthy (done, Back to the Anabolic Diet)
June Goals and Approach
New Learning Routine
During May I often times wanted to read a poker book before going to bed or to watch a training video AFTER my grind-session. Often times that didn't happen. Not because I am to lazy or to tired. I simply had a bad session before and did not want to hear anything pokerrelated for the rest of the day (which is OK since I would get even more frustrated, angry or sad). So before I am going to start my first session of any day in June I will watch a training video! Than I have at least some educational work done and can happily focus on getting frustrated! (hopefully not)
Partypoker-Comeback after ~8 years
I finally have worked everything out with the Partypoker supportteam. I can grind on Partypoker again and have a great Deal for additional coaching hours (even tho I still have plenty left)
Get a database review of 40k hands
Since I have no trust in my game anymore right now I will get a complete Database review in June. I am going to grind 40k "fresh" hands (because I don't need to get a review of my tilting hands) and will get detailed feedback of my leaks. I am only capable to a very small degree to do that on my own so I am very thankful for the opportunity. Plus it will hopefully make me stay focused and grind a solid 40k hands without tilt.
Reintroducing Stop Loss
I wrote about it earlier this year but got rid of the idea because I thought I don't need it anymore. Apparently I am not on the level I thought I was. So for June I will set another Stop Loss. Rule: 2-Buyins down => break (gym, walk, movie) 2-Buyins down => day over
Other Goals for June
- Play 60k hands (less than last month because of Stop Loss)
- Finish 1 Book (probably FTP-Tips From The Pros)
- keep reading “The Mental Game Of Poker”
- drop 4-5 kg of mainly fat (will be hard to match but possible)
- get to see the sun twice a week, tomorrow starts the summer you pleb
- get my mindset up to something that is working somehow again (took a big hit as you might have noticed)
As I stated often times this year already. My Main Goal is to play NL25 (or at least be close to it) at the end of the year. If I will not achieve this goal I will stop taking poker seriously and look for another hobby. I don't like to spend money to get punshed in the face! Also if I go broke (I never thought that's actually a possibility) I will not readd any kind of money. Thank you for reading. I hope I have better news for you in my June Recap.